I’m longing for comfort and peace today. I wish I could go to the barn, watch the horses run, hear the sounds of their hooves in the grass and feel their freedom.
There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. Winston Churchill
I haven’t much to share on the rainy Monday morning here in Connecticut. I heard the school bus pass by my home this morning and a chill went through me. I’m not sure how all the mothers in my area were able to put their little ones on the bus and send them off today.
I’m not sure I could have done it.
My kids are home with me. They are still in their pj’s and will probably stay that way. We are having a down day. A day of rest.
I’m searching for comfort right now. Another cup of coffee? No, not going to cut it. Some inspiring quote on Facebook? Not likely. I wonder, like many I think, if the way I am feeling is appropriate.
I think it is. I think we all can and should grieve for the losses in Newtown in the way we see fit. Our emotions over this, they are what they are. We need to allow ourselves to feel it and not force it away, lock it down and immediately move on simply because it was not my child, or sister or aunt who was gunned down. It was not my husband or brother who went into the school as a first responder and will live with the nightmares. It was not my niece or goddaughter who played dead and ran to her mother’s arms covered in the blood of her classmates.
No, I won’t force it away. I won’t shut down the emotions. These people deserve more than that. I will continue to mourn with them. I will continue to cry with them.
So I’m going to share a song that I love and find comfort in, even if it has nothing at all to do with what is going on in the world on this particular day. Maybe it’s because I love the name of the group Band of Horses. Maybe it’s the title of the song I go to the barn… Maybe if I could go to the barn and be with the horses, I would feel peace.
I don’t believe that time can heal all wounds. I think time will help us adjust to existing after this tragedy. The scars with be deep, permanent and carried with us.