“I love your honesty! Nothing makes me want to vomit more than a constantly cheerful mom with perfectly groomed kids doing absolutely amazing things and making us all look and feel like slackers. Thank you for not doing that.”
That was a comment that I was about to leave over at Life According to Julie today.
But I erased it. I had a horrible thought for a moment. Am I being honest here at Adorable Chaos? Am I making you sick? I’m showing you all of the good stuff. It’s real and true, but I haven’t told you about the other stuff, at least not lately.
Take today. At this moment all three girls are in their room. All of my positive, respectful parenting skills went out the window when my oldest ran at the middle one and shoved her. Then she called her a little bitch.
There is so much more to this story, but I’ll spare you.
I walk into the office after talking with each girl. I stand there and look at Dave (the husband formerly known as Wilderness Dad).
Dave: I can’t get my work done.
Me: I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t be a mother.
Dave: If they can’t be together, they can go back to school. I know they don’t want to hear that, but this isn’t good for them. Are you okay?
Me: I feel like I’m going to vomit. My kids make me want to vomit.
Dave: (laughing at me) Love your mayhem!
Me: Fuck you.
Me again (feeling a little better): I’m sorry. (We have a rule about NOT saying that to each other).
I don’t want to send my kids back to school – most of the time. I can see all of the advantages to this lifestyle, but there are times when I want to quit.
Now I’m thinking about last night.
Any choice comes with it’s own unique set of challenges.
My friend Jen said that to me last night, a few minutes before we walked into a pizzeria to get a stack of pies for our pack of wild children waiting back at the house with the dads. On our way out we both stopped, staring in the window of the nail salon next to the pizza place. We were drooling there on the sidewalk, not over the pizza, not at a vision of a hot guy, but over the sight of a middle-aged woman getting her shoulders massaged.
That should be us!
We went home and soothed ourselves with pizza and red wine.
It comes down to this.
- We all need a back rub now and then.
- You can’t love your mayhem all the time because your kids will make you want to vomit eventually.
- If you have a rule that you can’t tell your husband to go fuck himself, don’t make any rules about throwing things at him. It feels just as good.
- Parenting is hard, no matter what road you choose.
I’m not going to tell you to love your mayhem today, because I think that’s pretty damn annoying. I may even have to change the tag line up top. Any suggestions?