There are a few things in this world that can break a man. Let me tell you about one I discovered last week, just in case you’re looking to get revenge on your husband by causing him cry in public so you can plaster the pictures all over Facebook.
I’m helpful like that. I want you to be happy. If revenge will make you smile, here’s how to do it.
1. Pick a sunny, 70 degree day; a perfect day for a long ride on his motorcycle. Mention that you know he would rather be riding (golfing, watching baseball, napping). Then take him to American Girl Place with 3 kids who have begged for a shopping spree there for 37 consecutive months.
2. Help him feel like a man by putting him in charge of all decision making. “Daddy, should I get the Girl of the Year Doll or the Bitty Twins? Can I have both? Can I have Mexican Fiesta Accessory Set and Camping Set too?”
3. Then let him wait around in an ocean of American Girl outfits, furniture and itty-bitty historically accurate table settings while the dolls go to the salon to get their hair styled and ears pierced.
4. Two hours later, following 11 trips up and down the escalators to visit each of the 3 floors of the store 3.5 times, send him to the check-out register with his arms full of dolls and accessories.
Get the camera ready. Here come the tears:
See? It works! He’s carrying 40 lbs of doll stuff. He knows he’ll have to carry these bags half way across Manhattan to get to where the car is parked. The bill was so high that he can’t say the number out loud. Knowing the number is hard enough. Speaking it would surely cause him to curl up in the fetal position on the floor of the store.
Okay, so those aren’t real tears. He‘s exaggerating, but I think he was struggling to maintain his composure.
***I’m so proud of this man for being such a good sport. It’s not easy being the father of three girls. He didn’t complain more than 5 or 6 times. He even bought me dinner on the way home. Real dinner, not itty-bitty doll sized dinner or a hot dog from a cart on 5th Ave.***