I’m working on a deadline. It’s been hanging over me for a month and instead of working hard at my goal everyday, I’ve been finding other things to do. When creativity escapes my grasp, I avoid it. I pretend like I don’t want it or need it my life.
I play hard to get with my muse. It never works to my advantage.
I painted and redecorated the office / library / Room of Requirement. I painted furniture, created a window treatment out of a branch that fell in the last storm, reorganized our homeschool supplies and books and refinished the fireplace.
I cleaned out multiple closets. I scrubbed the bathroom floors extra hard. I went shopping, surfed the internet “researching” stuff to help me write this book. I haven’t actually “worked” on the book in two weeks, and now I have four days to get it done.
I sat down today determined to work. And here I am, writing this instead. The book is coming together. I swear. I’m going to finish it and you will see it sometime in early August.
Here’s the book cover. I spent a week creating it when it should have taken me a day. I created 17 different versions of the cover because, hey, it’s not writing.
I finally figured out this morning what was holding me back. All I have left to do is the introduction (tremendously important, don’t you think?), the About the Author section (important for my ego) and some editing(which will go on forever if I let it). It should be a breeze, right? What’s my problem?
Fear. I’m afraid. I’m terrified.
What if my book sucks? What if you hate it? I’ve pulled together 40+ pages of well loved pieces from over the past 4 years. I’ve written my heart out. Most of it has never been seen by the majority of my current readers.
I decided I’m not going to keep working on it until it’s perfect, because it will never be perfect. If I try to make it perfect, fear wins.
So I’m just going to keep showing up at my computer. I’m going to put the book out there. It isn’t epic or mind blowing or full of the answers on how to live a better life.
How’s that for a sales pitch?
It’s authentic. It’s me. It may make you smile or give you hope or let you know that you are not alone in feeling like a lame sidekick among the super amazing moms on sidewalks of suburban America.
And now I will leave you with a video I absolutely love. I don’t have her problems exactly (though I wish I did). I love what she has to say about creativity and the muse and especially the story of the poet running to catch the words before they pass her by.
Is fear holding you back from doing something you long to do?